To be brutally honest and transparent when you are on this journey, is to be willing to be honest with yourself and those who love you. I had a small meltdown on Friday when I saw a picture of myself. My mind immediately went to all the wrong places. I know that I am made in His image, which makes me beautiful and one of a kind. I know that Jesus is Jehovah Jireh, El Shaddai, the lover of my soul, the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see in the night….the beginning and the end…never failing God. I know these things, but too many times I don’t allow that truth to infiltrate these moments. God has made me a strong woman in His Kingdom, but like most of us, I still struggle with areas of insecurity and often ignore that bit of truth. I know as well as anyone how to hide! It’s the easy way!! Here I go again, making a bold statement that will be challenged, but those days of hiding are over. Here’s a picture of what happened on Friday…
As I stated in my first blog, “beginning the journey”, I am what I am right now but I’m not what I was before or where I will be. I am doing it! I won’t quit! Can I really accept who I am right at this moment? Friday, I couldn’t. It didn’t matter what I knew deep down in my heart. What took over was that selfish desire to see things in a different light than where they are at the moment. If we go to that dark place that hasn’t been exposed to the truth and light, all we see is ugly and selfish. Tears, bad attitudes and retreating back to that place of hiding was what surfaced. It’s amazing how fast falling down takes when you buy the lie. Satan wants nothing more than for me to fail. Every good thing that God has blessed us with takes a back seat to how “we” feel and see things.
It was a dark moment, but because of the truth that is in and around me, and a loving truthful (brave) husband, I had to take another step (big one) in my journey to overcoming weight issues and everything attached to it. I remember a minister in my life years ago stating, “When the Lord brings the victory, mark it as a memorial in your heart and mind. A day to remember that God brought victory in a bad situation.” You can’t go back and change things, but you can remember those times when it looked bleak and hopeless, but God brought the victory.
It’s a day-to-day experience, and one that will have joys and sorrows. I am fighting the battles and I am winning the war of being overweight and bad habits. I am not going to quit!! Quitting is not an option. To quit means certain death and more importantly, is a slap in the face to the Lord Jesus who has given me everything. He made me who I am, blessed me with talents, incredible husband, family and friends, a great job and so much more! I wasn’t blessed with natural children of my own, but my life overflows with ‘kids’ that we have been honored to take into our home, attend their weddings, watch them achieve dreams and so on. An incredible and talented group!!
I know there are days ahead that may not be easy to walk through, but I have to always remember that, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength (and the grace)”. If you think you can’t do something, kick that thought to the curb and say with me, we can do all things because of Jesus Christ who believes in us even when we don’t believe in ourselves. We will win and complete the journey, regardless of what path it means. We are beautiful! We are holding our heads up high and not hiding in shame and fear ever again! The path will be hard, but we won’t quit.
To God be the glory, now and forever!!!