Why is it we waste so much time and energy worrying about nothing…because at the moment to us (me) it seems overwhelming. The reality is that everyone dreads or fears something. The difference is in how we handle it.
Have you ever dreaded (feared) something that was upcoming, you knew it had to be done, but every bad thought of “what if this happens?” enters your thoughts? That was me regarding the outpatient surgery I had on Friday. It slows down or stops you in the midst of your journey. It’s a selfish monster that robs you of time, health, energy, helping others and faith.
That was me for the past 2 weeks. Once I knew that the surgery was inevitable, I spent time and energy worrying about what if….!! Well, what if something good happens as a result? What if something bad was to happen? Will our faith be destroyed if it’s not exactly what we wanted? How fragile is my/our faith? Does it depend on getting my/our way or is it accepting of God’s will without conditions? I was faced with this last Thursday night, when a very dear friend of mine, “Maureen” took time out of her busy schedule to be with me.
Not once did I feel condemned that evening for being afraid, dreading the unknown, wondering about life and the outcome. What did happen was she gave me the ultimate gift of herself. She opened up her own life to me and shared how she had felt the first time in surgery. Vulnerability and relationship! Goodness, we were identical. We’ve been very close friends for several years; but now…sisters!
Doing it afraid was the only way to go. But to get to that point for Friday morning meant accepting the fear and realizing that God wasn’t condemning me for how I felt. That I wasn’t crazy, just needed to grow in this area of life. Not one time did I hear the typical Christian phrase, “where’s your faith? You know better than this!” It’s not in her heart. I can never thank her enough for what she taught me that night. God ministered through Maureen in an amazing way. For it to work though, I had to be willing to be vulnerable and trusting. I did that evening and as a result, Friday was a much easier time than it would have been otherwise.
The surgery was successful, even though I don’t have the reports back yet. What matters most to me is that I did it and gained from the experience. God was obviously present at that moment in time. He’s always there, but in His love and graciousness toward me, He manifested His presence through every nurse and doctor. Thank you Father for your constant love!
How does this relate to my journey of weight loss?? In more ways than you can imagine. I had to slow my workouts down for a few days and I didn’t follow my MyFitnessPal routine I’ve been in for over 250 days. But, I did learn what it takes to live. I don’t know if I’ve gained a few pounds or lost. I won’t weigh again until August 14th. But I do know that no matter what happens, this particular journey is succeeding and changing my life forever. It’s not a fight; for me it’s a fact of life!
It’s ok to share your heart with someone close to you. Actually, it’s a requirement to live life! God created us for relationships. Shame, fear, intimidation are but a view of the lies we accept in order to hide. You can’t hide from the truth. I’m overweight and that’s impossible to hide. What’s not impossible is to make positive life choices and not be afraid to fail. If you never fail, you never succeed. (That’s in a book I read years ago.)
My lesson learned is…
“no matter how many times I fall down, doubt, fear, feel ashamed and want to quit, etc…I will not give myself the option to quit!!!! I’ll do it afraid!”